Morning in Arizona

Arizona: Open for Business

Trump’s Border Emergency Called ‘Unlawful’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News Given Congress’ provision of only a small token appropriation of $1.4 billion to fund a mere 55 miles of border barriers, President Trump used his constitutional designation as Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces and statutory authority under the National Emergencies Act of 1976 [...]

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Green New Deal: Time Travel to the Past

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News This week the lunatic caucus of the Democratic Party unveiled its touted “Green New Deal” plan to save the planet. Key features of the plan include putting an end to air travel, eliminating meat from the human diet, rebuilding every human structure, ending [...]

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Decline in Shark Attacks Assailed

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News The latest report from the International Shark Attack File indicates that shark attacks on humans in 2018 declined by more than 20 percent from 2017 figures. Director of the Florida Museum of Natural History’s shark research program Gavin Naylor called the decrease “unusual. [...]

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CNN Reporters’ Latest Delusions

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News CNN’s chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta says he is writing a book about his sufferings under the evil Trump regime. “The gist of the story follows my heroic efforts to bring the truth to the American people despite the personal cost and [...]

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Trump Reversal of Obama School Discipline Policy Harms Minorities

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News The Trump Administration’s intention to eliminate the “racially balanced” regulations promulgated by former President Obama’s “Dear Colleague Letter” was condemned by former Obama Administration Sec. of Education Arne Duncan who called it harmful to minorities. “The whole point of President Obama’s approach was [...]

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Black Caucus Demands Course Correction for U.S.

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News Rep. Karen Bass (D-Calif), chairperson of the 55-member Congressional Black Caucus (CBC), the most numerous in our nation’s history, has set the Caucus’ sights on “reversing the trauma inflicted on people of color by the Trump Administration over the past two years. We [...]

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Pelosi Says Building Border Wall Immoral

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) stood by her pledge to “not appropriate a single dollar for a border wall” contending that “building such a wall would be immoral.” “Look, building an impermeable barrier would block the natural migration patterns of the [...]

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Special Counsel to Implement a Nude Selfie’ Strategy

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News Robert Mueller, the Special Counsel appointed to investigate possible collusion between the Trump presidential campaign and Russia, has opened a new front after discovering a “nude selfie” among the millions of pages of documents it has seized from Concord Management. Mueller called the [...]

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The Best of John Semmens’ Semi-News 2018

January 7 Gore Says Bitter Cold Confirms Global Warming Former Vice-President Al Gore confidently brushed aside the possibility that this past week’s bitter cold across much of North America might indicate that the global warming he has profitably been hyping for the last 15-plus years could be mistaken. “The theory of global warming, or climate [...]

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Planned Parenthood Explains Policy Toward Pregnant Employees

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News A New York Times story describing the organization’s discrimination toward pregnant employees was dismissed by Planned Parenthood’s management. Newly appointed president Leana Wen explained that “visibly pregnant employees are ‘bad optics’ that work against our primary mission.” “Look, we are trying to sell [...]

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